Ace Admiral

sidneyia:

I’ve been extremely indecisive over writing this post because I feel like maybe I’m just paranoid or imagining all this. It seems like, whenever I see a definition or a discussion of asexuality, there is a lot of effort to point out that “many asexuals enjoy sex!” or “many asexuals compromise and agree to have sex to please their partners!” or even “many asexuals identify as sex-positive!” And of course, all these things are true and need to be said. But there doesn’t seem to be an equal amount of effort in pointing out that “many asexuals are deeply uncomfortable with sex and want nothing to do with it” or “many asexuals are not willing to have sex, even if they’re in a romantic partnership”. Am I imagining this, or does it seem like people don’t talk about aversive asexuals?

Does it seem to anyone else like the asexual movement doesn’t want aversive asexuals to be part of its public face? Like, there seems to be a focus on showing how asexuals really aren’t that different from *sexual people after all? Like there’s a subconscious attempt to “normalize” asexuality by showing off aces who seem “more human” and “less weird” to the *sexual majority? 

Or if there are prominent aversive asexuals in the ace community, they don’t talk openly about aversiveness as much as sexually active aces talk about being sexually active and sex-positive aces talk about being sex-positive?

This is actually one of the main reasons I left AVEN. While I never experienced any direct bullying or shaming for being aversive, I also felt like there was a pervasive attitude that indifferent asexuals are the “real” asexuals and aversives are somehow pathological, or are actually sex-phobic rather than asexual as an orientation. 

I don’t know. This could all be in my head. I just thought I’d put it out there and see if anyone else has gotten a similar impression. 

Overall, I agree with GreenChestnuts that the reason why I have to say more often “some asexuals have sex” is because the assumption is always that we don’t. I’ve written before about being the stereotype but being sure to mention that the ace community is diverse, and I agree with you that sometimes the effect can be that the people who are the stereotype can feel erased. You’re not being paranoid, the conversation is unbalanced.

That said, I personally don’t feel like aversive (I like that :D) aces are being thrown under the bus the way the aromantics often are, or completely forgotten like the demis and graces often are. I only live on tumblr, so my view may be biased, but when someone turns up from the anti-ace brigade to say we’re afraid/repressed/broken/ill/slut-shamers/in a conspiracy to destroy the human race, people stand up for us. They don’t say, “hey, some of us have sex, don’t lump us all together,” they say, “that’s not true of our community.” I don’t think that’s because the attack is always directed at the whole community, but rather that they don’t want to leave us behind.

On the occasion when I’ve spoken about being aversive, or been attacked for being aversive, or objected to something as not including aversive people, I’ve had support from indifferent, and even poikkisexual people. Occasionally I feel tumblr folk actually go out of their way to make sure aversive aces aren’t forgotten.

Now, AVEN or other forums might be different. I don’t know, I never really participated on AVEN seriously, and the sex-negative/asexual elitist rhetoric made me deeply uncomfortable. But if you’re feeling down about being aversive and looking for peeps to be on your side, I highly recommend the peeps on my dash :D